Happy and Growing?
by thenostalgicdreamer
Summary: Six months after her breakup with Farkle, Smackle finds herself rethinking everything.


_This story references a Smarkle breakup. Consider yourself warned._

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She couldn't have told you how she had known, but she had. Her relationship with Farkle had never been meant to last. Now that time had passed, she found herself wondering how she had neglected the unsettledness within. Instead of exploring how she truly felt, she had merely dwelt on the joy of conquest. She had let the boost it gave her self esteem had distract her from how miserable she felt. She had been so blind.

She could see so many things now. She could see that they had conversed often, but that their conversation had lacked depth. It hadn't been shallow necessarily, yet they had failed to establish a deep connection. Their dates while fun had been limited to studying and occasional trips to the movies. Somehow, she hadn't noticed at the time—she hadn't really settled in either. Sure, she had been the perfect jealous girlfriend, but that hadn't kept her eye from wandering in ways that embarrassed her now. How hadn't she seen how wrong it had all been?

Saying goodbye to Farkle had hurt, but their breakup had also left her feeling very relieved. She was finally free. No longer was she held in the bonds of an unfortunate relationship and the fanciful dreams of many years that had held it together. Ever since she and Farkle had met at age three, she had known that he was a special person that she needed in her life. As she had grown, the idea of being best friends had morphed into dreams of becoming Mrs. Minkus. He was the perfect dream husband—smart enough to keep her on her toes, dumb enough to allow her to always be the genius in the situation. No matter what happened, she knew that he wouldn't let her slack off and not realize her potential. And somehow despite her asperger's diagnosis, he understood her. He knew instinctively what made her feel uncomfortable and cared enough to be gentle. It was perfect. Someday, she would be his queen, and they would rule the world together.

His departure from Einstein Academy after kindergarten left her devastated. Suddenly, all of her dreams looked improbable at best. They still saw each other at the many genius kid competitions in the city, but Farkle spent his time with this Maya and Riley he never stopped talking about. From the first time he brought up their names, her heart was filled with jealousy toward the girls who had stolen the only boy she had ever wanted. At first, she had been sure that she could beat them in the competition for his heart. But then she met them, and her heart sunk. They were beautiful, charming, and normal—everything she wasn't.

That day, she made up her mind that she would win Farkle's heart. She wasn't one to give up easily, and what she lacked in looks or personality she more than doubly made up in brainpower. She began what she deemed "Project Farkle", a serious quest for his heart. After hours of research, investigation, and observation were finally completed, she began her plan with a speech about true beauty that she was sure would finally make him turn his head. He found it impressive, but when she asked him to switch schools a few months later he refused.

Just when she began to feel that she might have lost, Riley and Maya had put in a word in her favor, and Farkle had finally chosen her. Sitting next to him at the table outside Topanga's, she had felt like her life was finally beginning. She had passed the test, and the boy she loved best was finally within her grasp.

As time passed, she felt the happiness of the first day fade away. On the surface, everything was good. Farkle was devoted to her and always treated her with the most kindness possible. He was nothing less than the man she had always believed him to be. They got along beautifully too—never fighting even when times got tough. Despite how it looked on paper, everything was wrong. She was miserable, and she watched her head turn every Zay and Lucas looked her way.

Determined to not let it all slip away, she had tried everything she could think of to turn things around. She had vowed to stop her wandering eye, planned exciting dates, and forced herself to share more of her life than made her feel comfortable. Yet, it seemed the more she did the more wrong it felt. Her misery reached epic levels, and she often found herself on the brink of tears. Had she worked all her life for this only to watch her dreams fall a part like a house of cards?

Six months ago, things had finally taken a turn for the better when she had finally told Farkle what was on her mind. She hadn't been planning on dumping him, but they had mutually agreed that a breakup was the best option moving forward. That day her heart had felt so light that she could hardly believe it.

The expectations were gone. She had chosen Farkle because she had been determined to settle for nothing less than the best and brightest boy she knew, but now that it was over she was free. She didn't have anyone to impress. She could simply be herself, and she had time to figure out what exactly that was. There was no reason she couldn't check out all of the cute guys who came her way, and she finally had time to explore what it meant to be a friend to the girls Farkle loved so well. Floating along had always scared her, but the possibilities in front of her now were endless and wonderful. She would take it slow believing that she would eventually find what she was looking for.

"Izzy," she heard a voice behind her say. She turned around to find herself face to face with Zay Babineaux. "Zay," she said quietly. Lucas Friar's friend was the nicest guy ever, but he somehow made her feel really nervous at the same time.

He took a step her way and was soon standing right beside her. "Walk with me," he asked beckoning for her to follow him. He was so close she felt like he was touching her even though she could see with her eyes that he wasn't. She felt her heart racing and willed herself to stay calm. Although she was uncomfortable, she knew she didn't want him to go away.

"How was your day, Isaiah?" she asked trying to distract him from the fact that she had taken a step away from him. She took a deep breath and instantly felt much better.

"I'd say it was a good day—grades in the normal range, my boy Lucas stayed out of trouble, and I walked out with a _very_ lovely lady." He turned to her and smiled.

She feigned surprise and replied in a scolding tone, "Are you hitting on me in front of the entire student body? I am quite certain that they would advise you to stick to someone of your same intellectual capacity."

"Yeah, like I ever care what everyone thinks," he laughed. "Isaiah Babineaux, ladies and gentleman." He bowed in the middle of the crowded hallway.

She laughed in spite of herself. Zay with all of his careless bluntness had a way of making her smile. She couldn't explain it really. He was so unpredictable that he made her feel really uncomfortable. He backed her into corners that she struggled to get out of, yet somehow she still liked being with him. Her hands might be shaking, but the smile on her face was real.

"So Miss Izzy." Zay broke the silence. "What would you say to prom, you and me? We'd be the most magnificant couple there. I just know it."

She looked down to see her hands shaking and didn't know what to do. Here he was just as well as admitting he liked her and asking to change their relationship. Everything was so good right now. She was just getting used to being his friend. How could she possibly say yes?

But how could she possibly say no? This was Zay, and she liked him a lot. He made her smile and laugh. He might be a little dumb, but he was wise beyond his years. He had a way of pushing her, not unlike Farkle really, except he was pushing her in life not just academics. It scared her, but she liked it. She could look back over the past months and see herself growing. Happiness and growth-wasn't that what she wanted?

"I'll go, Isaiah," she said staring at the floor in front of her.

He stretched his arms out towards her. "Hug?" he asked.

One step and she was in his arms. She wasn't sure what she was doing. It was messy and complicated and scary, but she knew that this wasn't wrong. Perhaps it was what she was looking for. It was worth the chance.

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 **Author's Note: I'm not really sure what this is. It's my first attempt at Zayadora. I hope you enjoyed it regardless of its defects, and I hope this cute, quirky little ship sails.**


End file.
